I'm going to need more shelves...

Went onto the bookdepository and I am screwed. I want so much

There's the YA novels I've been meaning to buy and read:

• The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
• The Lunar Chronicles: Scarlet by Marissa Meyer
• Vol 1. of Sailor Moon manga containing 1-6 including exclusive stickers (FOR LESS THAN 50$!)

Then there are the classics:

• Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
• Dante's Divine Comedy
• Man in the High Castle by Phillip K Dick
• AND EVERYTHING IN THIS LINK!:
  http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/search/advanced?searchTerm=&searchSeries=23186317
  THEY'RE CLASSIC STORIES AND NOVELS ALL WITH THE SAME STYLE DESIGN AND LEATHER BINDING AND LOOK AMAZING AND....HOLY FUCKCAKES I WANT. They have the Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Jules Verne Seven Novels, Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales, The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Peter Pan, THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I am not making this shit up.
  
  Look, all I want is the whole collection of these books to put in my library where I shall read them in a large cushy leather chair next to a large fireplace......on a faux animal skin carpet with a bubble pipe....maybe in a really comfortable red robe (Most probably)

But I need to be frugal and shit (yeah....frugal. Look it up). Ughh. Money, thou art a heartless bitch that I am major frenemies with. 

The Roaring 20s

Currently very very into 1920s fashion and irrationally want the following:

• Newsboy cap
• Flapper dresses of every kind which means a lot of sequins, fringes, frills
• Massive faux fur coat
• Parasol (or just a cute umbrella in general)
• Headbands
• How to do a Marcel Wave to my hair

I love everything that this dress, those shoes and that coat are. I need that dress like nobody's business.

Anything inspired by art deco, art noveau, surrealism. I'm probably going to raid really cheap stores like Kmart or Target and hunt some of this stuff down. 

Life update!

• Uni's ok. Except for Media. Media can fuck itself
• My new Macbook Pro is sexy as hell and makes me incredibly happy with how fast it is.
• I'm behind on all my youtube subscriptions
• EVERYTHING IS ON HIATUS. EVERYTHING. SHERLOCK, ELEMENTARY, GLEE, ONCE UPON A TIME. AND THOSE ARE JUST THE ONES I WATCH. NOT TO MENTION HOW THE DR WHO AND SUPERNATURAL FANDOM IS IN HYSTERICS.
• I have new motivation to continue my reviews but this motivation came at a time where I have NO time for anything else but to prepare for JUNE:
  
  JUNE:
• Bali Wedding from 5th-13th
• Picking up Archer ("Archie") the 2 month old samoyed puppy and bringing him home on 13th or 14th
• Exams on 18th and 21st
• Milly's 18th birthday on the 19th
• Supernova where I'm going to meet Wash and half the fucking Round Table from Merlin INCLUDING BRADLEY JAMES. 21st-23rd Oh by the way, I'm cosplaying as Catwoman, Milly is Poison Ivy and Laura is Harley Quinn. Best friends ever? I THINK SO.
  
• Living a very loner life at the moment. Barely going out but June is just going to BAMEDEOIAJIXHANOJSNOAJFHAIHBX. 
• It's like as if my life has two setting: calm, eventless, lazy and then CHAOS, EVERYTHING'S HAPPENING AT ONCE, EVERYTHING'S DUE AT ONCE, NOW NOW NOW. There's no in between

Things I need/want to buy

Need:

• Dress for Bali, preferably this one:
  

• Catsuit and catwoman goggles to cosplay in for Supernova
• Stuff for the puppy

Want:

• Sushi
• Fish and Chips
• Ribs
• A lot of food in general....
• Cute rainboots to wear to uni
• Sensible brown boots because why not
• A new phone. 
• More food

Don't Let Me Know

[Karen:]
I wish you were a bad man
I wish you made it easier
I wish you'd done something unforgivable
'Cause holding onto you is that all I can do until
I learn the hands around my throat are my own
Don't let me know if it hurts
If it hurts you
I don't want to be your friend that you turn to
That you won't pull me close
But you can't let me go
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know

[Karen & Jimmy:]
I wish I never met you
Now I gotta forget again
I wish you didn't know me
So damn well
Mmmmm.... Don't tell me that you're scared
Every time that I'm not (she isn't) there 
Don't you open up my heart again

[Karen:]
Oh, don't let me know if it hurts
If it hurts you
I don't want to be your friend that you turn to
That you won't pull me close
But you can't let go
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
If you think there's a chance you can fall again
That you've tried and you've failed to stop loving me

[Karen & Jimmy:]
Don't let me know if it hurts
If it hurts you
I don't want to be your friend that you turn to
That you won't pull me close
But you can't let go

[Karen:]
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know

[Jimmy:]
Don't let me know

One thing I've learnt about media, EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED TO FANDOM. AND MY PIP. AND I FAIL.

Omar Dean - Runaway Love (feat. Sophia Hope)

Featuring my sister's friend Sophia. It's a really sweet song.

This will never not make me laugh.

I only hate one course in uni and that is Media, Culture and Everyday Life. Essentially it's making me hate myself. And I can't wait to drop it.

I'm loving film study though. I am definitely sticking with it throughout. It's just so interesting and I think I'm getting good at it. Like analysing, understanding everything should make you hate what it is. Like analysing Blade Runner for English. I'm pretty sure I'd like the film 10000 times more if it wasn't associated with what I could loosely call the "English Curriculum". But in film study, I just love everything more because I'm not beating the everloving awesome out of it like we would in high school. It actually enhances everything.

COFA I am enjoying. Some things I think I struggle with but so far it's A OK.

Fucking Media though. I can't wait to drop it in just a few weeks.

Mirrors - Justin Timberlake - Michael Henry & Justin Robinett

Mumford and Sons "Where Are You Now" live studio CD102.5FM Big Room

and the darkness can descend,

we can relish all the pain.

but I know that’s what you love,

cause you know I love the same.

SMASH - Some Boys

Read, but try not to think about it. Actually don't read it. I shouldn't have posted this. But it's MY blog....fuck.

I'm just so done with it all.

Life...I don't know. Right now things aren't necessarily horrible. But everything just feel like it's going wrong. Without anything happening. I'm just full of contradictions lately.

I fucking missed the deadline to do ELISE and for my uni school fees and so now I'm fucked for both of them. So I thought about it and was 75% set on deferring the year to find a good job or two in the film industry that'll give me experience and skills and money. But then someone told me that since I missed the payment date, I'll probably have to pay anyways. And so what's the point of dropping out if I'm paying for it?

I just don't want to deal with my family right now. I can't deal with them. Any of them. I dread having to talk to any of them. Because no matter what, things just go to shit whenever anyone interacts in this family. It'll end up with at least once persion raising their voice. And over fucking nothing.

I feel like I'm trying but everything is falling apart. Yet I also feel like I'm doing nothing at all and that I need to get my shit together.

I have large periods of depression and anxiety but then I get mini bouts of happiness just by being around friends, by being outside the house itself. But I don't want to go out because me and my family are actually struggling to just get by nowadays.

I want to be alone as well, but I don't.
I'm writing this now and posting this up knowing people will read it.
And I want them to know, but I don't.
I want people to hear me but at the same time I don't want them to know.

I'm just full of contradictions lately. And it's tearing me apart inside. To have this conflict. To want to talk and tell someone but I don't want to seem like an attention seeking twat. To not knowing who I could even talk to. Because with every option, there's always a fear, a complication.

Usually I'd be posting this somewhere else. Somewhere private. But I'm just so tired. Of everything. I just want to be happy. But it's so hard.

Butter Noodles

My fandom tumblr:
http://unbakedcookiedough.tumblr.com/

Uni! For reals this time

I've only really had three lectures/ tutorials so far. COFA seems so fast paced right now. Two art assignments and one of them is 40% which is kind of freaking ridiculous.

I've met some interesting people but haven't made any real, solid friends yet. Then again, I've only met all of the new people once. I'm still clueless as to whether I can handle all of this yet. So far so good. All I need is proper internet on my mac and for it to be able to stay on and functional without the charger. First world problems.

Excited for the week coming because Film studies starts this week and also this Baking Society gathering. There's been so many heavy emphasis on prior reading and the thing is, the readings are about 30 pages for each subject/tutorial.

By the way, for COFA I had to make a Twitter and Tumblr account. Follow me?

https://twitter.com/courtneyfong94
http://paperceiling.tumblr.com/

I'm probs going to make another fandom tumblr soon. I've been reblogging a lot of art and had to restrain myself from rebloggin all these Firefly photosets and Community gifs.