Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Bad attempt at writing a "short" story, Word Count:893

I love creative writing. I haven't done it in a while though. Matt had to do one for an exam or something and he was throwing ideas around. One of them was this:

"Teenage girl who wakes up in hospital with schizophrenia and sees a man who tells her not to trust the doctors etc. There’s a boy across the room who is always asleep. Describe the image of the parents surrounding the boy, visitng him etc. In the end, the boy wakes up but the teenage girl fades away as she is a hallucination."

I told him to do it but he didn't know how to approach it. So I took a shot and here was my result (no judgement please =]):

“They’re coming Sarah”

“He’ll smother you”

“Don’t trust him”

“Don’t trust him”

Greens eyes snap open as a frail girl of no more than 15 jerks up right, panting. She clenches her eyes again and press her hands to her ears. The voices woke her up again. 

Taking a few more deep breaths, she suddenly becomes aware of another presence in the room. Turning her head towards the usually vacant bed next to her, she’s surprised to find a huddled shape under the covers. He was back.

It felt like a lifetime since he was last admitted to San Diego’s Institution where the freaks and psychos of society resided. She’s never seen the colours of his eyes, heard the sound of his voice, seen him awake. Every time he was admitted, it was in her room and he was always asleep.

Sarah scratched her tangled brown hair in curiosity. She’s about to hop out of bed to try to wake the boy until she heard footsteps come down the hallway outside, getting closer and closer to her door.

“Hide Sarah”

“They’re going to get you”

“Take you away forever and make you disappear”

Fear suffocated her and she quickly laid back under her covers, facing away from her door, pretending that sleep had taken her.

“....but doctor, what other choices are there?” A woman’s voice, quiet but desperate.

“Is he going to be ok?” A calming tenor voice of a man who was filled with concern.

“I’m afraid I can’t say anymore until the results come back.” A voice that alerted something within Sarah’s mind like a fire alarm. It was him, the one that the voices said were going to make her disappear as if she was nothing. “I’ll leave you two some time with him. Visiting hours end at 6.” 

The sounds of breathing and quiet weeping filled the room. Sarah shifted and turned in her scratchy, sterile sheets towards the boy. She froze as my bed creaked and echoed through the room. The couple didn’t take their eyes off the boy, they didn’t show any acknowledgment of her existence in that room. She relaxed and studied the couple. They were obviously the boys parents, showing motherly concern and fatherly care. The boy had his father’s face, sharp and strong but he had his mothers sun kissed hair. It made Sarah wonder whether he had her stormy blue eyes too.

They stayed until visiting hours were up. Not once did they look Sarah’s way, too worried about their son’s wellbeing.

Time passed when at last Sarah had the urge to talk to the unconscious  boy. She told him how lucky he was to have parents, that she didn’t have parents or at least, she didn’t think she did. She told him to be careful, not to trust the “doctor”, not to take the doctor’s poison. It would only make him worse, it would only make his nightmares come to life, it would only make people disappear. The boy’s only response was his steady breathing.

Days passed, then weeks, then months. Every day his parents would visit him, ignoring Sarah completely. They must have been so wrapped up in their grief about their son’s condition that they couldn’t see anything but him. After they left, Sarah would talk to him about her fears, talk about her voices, to her voices and about the evil doctor.

Sarah suddenly awakened one day. Something was different. She sees Thomas’, she learnt his name through his parents’ visits, mother tying up the shades. Something was different. His mother was...happy. His father was pacing, as usual, but something was different about him too. Instead of pacing in worry, there was a slight bounce in his step and a smile on his face that Sarah had never seen before. Another entered the room. Him. Thomas’ mother rushed to him.

“Are you sure it works doctor?” She was practically breathless with excitement.

A twisted grin marred the villain’s face, “I assure you that the effect is almost instant” His hands busy themselves with a syringe full of a blue liquid. A cold pit of dread filled her stomach.

“Don’t let them do it Sarah”

“You’ll disappear”

“You’ll lose Thomas”



Sarah was frozen in her bed and witnessed her fate as the wretched man injected Thomas with the poison that would take him away with her. She instantly felt weak, defeated. Sarah clenched her eyes in agony until she heard a foreign noise she never thought she’d hear. A groan. From a boy of 13. Sarah’s confused eyes jerked up and saw him move, struggling to rise. His mother rushed to his side and helped him sit up.

Why did the man save Thomas? Wasn’t he going to take him away from her? Sarah felt so strange and looked through her hands. Her fading hands. Her fading body. Realization dawned on Sarah as she looked to Thomas. Their eyes clashed.

There was only one thought that went through Sarah as her body flickered. ‘His eyes are blue’. Thomas had a grateful smile, looking straight at Sarah.

“Thomas? What are you looking at” His mother looked at the blank space that Thomas was looking at, afraid he relapsed.

“Nothing, mum, I just thought I saw an old friend.” His smile stayed as Sarah disappeared from his mind. Forever.

1 comment:

emily jane said...

This is really late, but WOAH! this is a really good story =p