You're intimidating but not in the way that makes me fear your next movement of limbs or cower from your stature
You're intimidating in the way that you make it so hard to catch up with you
Your effortless speed of mirth and wit makes it so easy to admire
I only fear you in the way that makes me seem inadequate of proper conversation
in the way that I will reveal how unextraordinary I feel next to you when I try to figure out how to quip back
I can sense a kind of thinly veiled deeper brilliance to you that I want to see and experience
because it would be the worst kind of shame for it to be hidden and unknown
The fear is that you don't have the same respect and admiration of character that I do for you

You haunt me
You're not gone yet at the same time you're not here
But I still see you
I see you in dragons
I see you in the unnoticed quiet acts of strength
I see you in clothes that don't fit this era or even this world
I see you in mysteries wrapped in enigmas
I see you in the silent worries and cares and burdens of life
And more often than not I see you in my dreams
The longer you stay at the distance you are (a distance where I can recognise your height, your shape and camouflage but unable to distinguish whatever causes that look in your eyes or your reasons for wearing that shirt or how you came to own the things in your satchel), the more you haunt me in the strangest of ways.

"What I really mean to say is that I hope you aren't held back because of a number. And that you don't rush into things because it feels like time is slipping by. I hope you do what's right for you. Hold on. Slow down. And breathe in. Your age is your age. But more importantly, your life is your life. Don't change your journey so that it matches someones else's/ We need to walk different paths so the whole world can be explored. Revel in the differences. And enjoy where you are" - ...Because I'm a twenty-something; todaywasmeaningful.wordpress.com

If you find that you are forcing yourself or uncomfortably changing your own ideas, choices, values, morals principles, or anything that makes you you just for the sake of pleasing or making something work, then that compromise and sacrifice is not worth it. That compromise and sacrifice is so destructive and damaging yet blinding because you don't know how much of yourself you are losing.

There are better ways. Grow instead of change. Make sure when you make these choices that your part of the equation isn't less or smaller. Will you become a better person because of it? A person you'll be confident in? A person you yourself can support?

That doesn't mean that you can't make selfless sacrifices at all for the person you love. There will always be sacrifices in relationships. But as with your battles, choose your sacrifices.

Supanova 2014

Man. We only went the one day and it was tiring as hell.

So went on Sunday (yesterday) and it was a crazy start. As soon as I got off the bus to head to the train station, I was fined. Not for not having a bus pass or an ID, but because my student ID apparently needed an update (which I had no idea about) and the fine is fucking TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS?!? Seriously?!? Luckily I can get leniency if I update it, take a photo and upload it.

Then we headed over to Supanova where there was so much more amazing cosplay and I have a higher level of appreciation after watching Heroes of Cosplay and even Face Off. These people are so talented and amazing and DEVOTED OH MY GOD IT'S TEN DEGREES AND YOU'RE SHOWING 90% OF YOUR SKIN. I'M NOT OFFENDED BY THAT I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY AND SAFE.

We stood in a line for about 10-15 minutes in 10 degree weather with bonus icy wind because the website screwed up Mila's purchase. Laura got a sick photo with fucking Stan Lee and Mila got a birthday autograph from Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. It was a blissful event.

Seeing as I didn't get an autograph or photo with anyone (sort of wanted one with Ming-Na Wen but oh well.) I went crazy with the merchandise. Like....absurdly crazy. I'll take photos and describe the awesomeness and also the apparent price of awesomeness. I had some really lucky cool finds that I'm incredibly happy about. So did Mila and Laura.

I got home by 7:30 and it felt like 11. Went to bed last night at around..11 or 12. I think that's the first time in months. Possibly years.

The Fact of Fiction

And your were. You were my Lucas. My bringer of light. You brought light into my life. It shone on things I thought I hated and feared and made them beautiful. It illuminted different paths and ways of life I never thought or knew about. You were my bringer of light. You were until you started being my only source of light. At the expense of me burning out other lights and me putting out my own.

The buffet on the tiny entree sized plate

So I got sick. And if anyone knows me, I usually don't get sick except once or twice a year. But when I get sick...it's a shitstorm of ugly. In high school, I'd probably have perfect attendance if it were not for the 10 days I missed in a row each year cause of the freaking flu or bronchitis.

You know whats worse than have a flu that makes you cough non stop, leaves you breathe, blocked runny nose, block ears, headaches and a sore throat? Getting your period right in the thick of it too. Yeah. Think how sucky that is. It's REALLY sucky.

Good news though: it's the first time this year that I haven't had to work in 3 days. How weird is that? I didn't realise i was working so much until.

Bad news: I've got a lot of stuff I DON'T want to miss out on this week because of sickness.

• Saturday: Bastille with Mila. I bought her tickets last year for Christmas
• Sunday: Supanova with Laura and Mila. No cosplay, just pure spending on all things (un)necessary
• Tuesday: So Mila's birthday is coming up and SHE surprised ME with tickets to Queensland for the day so that we can go Movieworld. I've only been to Queensland once in 5th grade and didn't do anything except hang with family. So this is mega super exciting for me
• Thurday: Mila's real birthday! AHHHHHH. 

So yeah. Yeah. Ugh I'm so sick

Lack of love life and other people in it

So. I don't know. Some things are out on the table. There are doubts. And dreams. And confusion.

There's old and new. There's exciting and fun and scary and so much uncertainty. Yes. That's it. Uncertainty.

What do I want? What's going to happen? Is it going to hurt? Will it really be ok?

Cause you two are perfect for each other and I hate it

(just to be clear this is about fictional couples that are amazing like Usa and Mamo or Swan and Pirate not a jealousy thing. Lol my lack of love life and other people are a whole different story)