Wednesday, 2 October 2013

I have an urge to write. But I don't know what about. I already have writer's block for my creative writing. I guess I just need a good ramble about life:

  • 19 years old. Don't know what the hell I am doing
  • Things are going relatively well. 
  • After a break up of a 4 year relationship, you never know how much your life is going to change. I think we both handled it well, considering. The lead up was just so anti-climatic and sudden yet it was always there. Compared to the drama and emotions from the previous break ups, this one felt...different. I don't know in what way though. There was some drifting apart the months before in the way that felt like we were getting to busy to be together. We kept missing each other and when we did meet up, not much could be said. It was like, we unconsciously prepared ourselves for it. That being said, I still love him. In fact I really do miss him. And I know I was the one who made the choice to avoid contact after it all, and I don't regret that one bit, but we were just so constant in each other's life for so long. Talking every day, seeing each other every other day, having someone to be your partner or date to parties and events. Having so many moments, inside jokes, shared secrets, shared love. It just makes me sad that I just can't seem to find that same momentum or feeling with anyone else. For now. I miss his presence, his company, his safety. I miss him. But I'm happy for us as individuals. I'm grateful for how much we helped each other grow. I'm grateful that we were such a beautiful and great part of each others life. I'll treasure everything. 
  • Oh wow. Yeah, ok, I guess I needed that out of my system. It's been 10 months, after all. And I think that the fact that I can write this on the public blog means that I'm not afraid anymore. I'm no longer afraid of people knowing how I feel, where I stand or who will read it.
  •  Bsoc Ball was great. I'll post some pictures up in a separate post.
  • I'm getting a haircut later today and may even inquire about balayage/ombre. (though it costs quite a lot)
  • I want to make something. Something important. A costume? A film? A dish? An artwork? A song? A story? I don't know. I just want my creative juices to flow endlessly again. I'm feeling lazy and useless lately
  • On the bright side, everything is coming off hiatus and FUCK YEAH
  • Also watched a whole season of the anime Attack on Titan which is freaking interesting and intense
  • I am also addicted to online shopping. Stop me. Help me.
  • Also I want a boyfriend, in the sense I want someone to be comfortable with with additional cuddles and kisses. Just the concept and idea makes me want the warm and fuzziness of the security of someone else's arms who I can make cute and unlady-like jokes with or share our favourite pizza while watching each other's favourite shows and maybe even geek out about things. Or maybe he could be the total opposite of that. He'll be teaching me how to play his favourite sport, making fun of me because I've never skateboarded before. Just little cute details. Doesn't that sound nice and fun?

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